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Three’s Company Or A Crowd?

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Tony Gaskins is here to answer the question

Tony Gaskins is most popular for his great relationship advice and motivational speaking. His voice has really given women and men around the world great information to abide by when it comes to love. Well, Mr. Gaskins has decided to touch on a subject he is always asked about :Threesomes. Yes “Menage a trois” have been a trend in relationships recently and Tony had a lot to say to those asking if it is appropriate in a relationship. Take a look at what he wrote in his blog 

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He’s still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I’ve received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he’s been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I’ve even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y’all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn’t mind a threesome, he wouldn’t ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn’t raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I’ve known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn’t have a father in his life and his mother wasn’t much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You’d be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

  • You start something that you won’t be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
  • If you are asked to have a threesome, it’s not from a faithful man. You’ve been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn’t go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I’m a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I’d ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you’ve just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
  • Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn’t like thirst, it’s not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it.
  • Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it’s going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn’t the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life.
  • The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It’s just a fact.
  • You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I’m not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
  • It will never be the same.
What to do if you’ve already had a threesome? 
That’s up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don’t think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God’s help. He won’t be able to do it alone. He’s not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won’t be enough, a child won’t be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change.
If it were me, I’d ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple’s sessions. I’d get professional feedback. Then I’d weigh it all with my heart. I’d ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I’d watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I’d get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh.
That’s just me though. I’m monday-morning-quaterbacking so it’s easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday.

Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn’t a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life’s purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he’s unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn’t ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it’s been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it’s hard to be different. I know it’s hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it. I live it. I haven’t always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven’t had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn’t respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That’s why I go so hard on God’s team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I’m a sell-out now, you’re right. I sold out to God and that’s who I work for. It’s painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It’s painful not being able to play the “game” that I played on the highest level. It’s not easy but I do it because it’s worth it. I’ve experienced something new that I’m going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn’t pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn’t sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God’s way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn’t know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don’t even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn’t be happier and my relationship couldn’t be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn’t love herself. It doesn’t mean she’s nothing, it means she’s lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you’ll experience a peace and a favor that you can’t put into words. I’m living this. If you think I’m lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I’ll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It’s that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You’re more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn’t want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That’s how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you’ve never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for “love.” That’s not love. Love won’t ask you to live on your knees. Love won’t ask you to go against your true nature. Love won’t ask you to compromise your self-respect. That’s not love. You can’t be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I’m tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you’d like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That’s your story but that’s not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God’s help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

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There you have it, what are your thoughts on threesomes? Do you agree with Tony Gaskins?

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The Color You Should Wear More Of In 2015

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*Drumroll please*

Pantone has always been the solid force in shaping RTW and Couture line’s color choices within the fashion industry. the company’s color matching system is referenced throughout the whole year in order to create beautiful clothing that will appeal to the eye’s and heart’s of buyers. As tradition holds Pantone has released the color of the year: Marsala. This color is a sleek maroon shade that has a hint of bright burgundy mixed with it. Last year’s color “Radiant Orchid” was splashed all over the runways and streets of the fashion world.

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Marsala will be the popular color in fashion wear, beauty, hair and home decor. If you call yourself a fashionista you must showcase this beautful hue in your own special way. Expect to be known as a fashion forward individual when striding in something Marsala toned this year. Here are some great ideas on how to rock this electric color and rock it with confidence whether it is on your face, in your home or on your body.

Some beautiful dresses

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Beauty products

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Home Decor

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Beat of The Week : Justine Skye Feat Tyga “Collide”

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The 19 year old self proclaimed “Purple Unicorn” Justine Skye has brought her fans and music lovers far and wide a banger. Justine’s smooth vocals over a Dj Mustard beat intertwined with Tyga’s Cali swag birth an amazing record. We love this song because you can ride smooth to it cruising in your car and jam with your friends and slow whine. Justine’s fashion is sick in this video from her ombre fur jacket to her bright purple hair, she is a rising star to keep an eye on,  Take a look at this fun video!

Beat Of The Week: Seyi Shay Feat. Wizkid Crazy

Im in love with my baby!

We all know Seyi Shay and Wizkid are powerhouses so it only makes sense to bring these two together on a track. In the video Seyi is quite the fashion maven in a number of different grey and dark monotone looks. We especially love that fish scale inspired outfit she rocks and the sleek bob. Wizkid also doesnt disappoint with his slick urban style. The video is hot and the fashion definitely takes the lead. Check it out!

Throw The Most Epic Christmas Party!

The ultimate guide to throwing an EPIC Christmas party

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This is the time of year when we deck the halls, put up a tree, climb up in the attic or garage and bring out the ornaments and get everything ready for the holidays. This is also the time when everyone you know has a Christmas party and they all decide to hold them on the same night!

Come to think of it, a mobile app that shows when all of your friends are thinking about having a party so that you could schedule YOUR party some other time, would be a great new product. I’ll get on that just as soon as this blog is posted.

Have you ever noticed that some holiday parties are way more fun than others? Why? It’s really pretty simple. Some people are better at entertaining than others. They think creatively about the party experience. Conversely, some people are better at being entertained than others.

If you’re not that great at giving parties, there’s still hope. Like most things in life, all it takes is a good plan and the determination to execute it. Here are some ideas on ways to throw a better Christmas party.

First of all draw up a budget!
December is an expensive month. No-one wants to be broke before they pay bills, do the monthly food shop and buy presents for their loved ones, so know what you can afford and cut your coat according to your size.

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Decide on the venue
You have to consider where you’d like to host the party, in my opinion the home, is more intimate. A Christmas party is a good opportunity to get people to know you better and what better way than to invite them into your personal space! There’s also something really warm about inviting people to your home.

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Guest size/guest list:
After you have decided on the venue you have to consider the capacity and the number of guests. Make sure you don’t invite more people than the space can accommodate. This brings me to your guest list. Now you don’t want “drama” at your party if it is an intimate affair so make sure you invite people that like each other; family, close friends and their dates or spouses.

On the flipside, if you are having a jump-off then the more the merrier, invite everyone you know: Friends, co-workers, your BBM contact list, you decide…once that is clear the list becomes easy.

Personally, we never exclude the children from our gatherings with friends, especially at Christmas, but if you prefer not to, specify on the invitation that it is for adults only. This will give everyone enough time to counsel their nannies or organise the kids to be dropped off at grandma’s.

Alternatively, you could hire an entertainer for the day to take care of all the kids that attend. Again if your budget will not stretch that far then engage them with face painting, a Christmas raffle draw, musical chairs, and a dancing competition. Kids are really easy to please, and your friends will thank you for being so thoughtful.

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Theme/décor:
There is so much inspiration at this time of the year. There are loads of Christmas decorations and accessories out there, and it’s easy to go to the stores and get what you need. But feel free to hire a decorator if you need help.

Set up the table and decorate a day in advance. This will give you time to purchase whatever is missing to make your table and rooms look beautiful. Leave glasses until the last minute so they don’t gather lint and dust particles overnight. After setting the table, check around to make sure everything is clean especially in the areas where guests will be mingling.

Don’t forget to spray your house with insecticide, nobody wants to be having dinner and also serve their ankles as dinner to a swarm of hungry mosquito’s who have strategically positioned themselves under the dining table.

Having the right look for the house is important in order to get your guests in the mood to be merry. While it’s not necessary to transform your home into a winter wonderland, tasteful Christmas decorations on a real tree will go a long way towards building ambiance. You don’t need a full-sized train that runs through the house carrying guests from room-to-room, but any cool, old toys add to the feeling of Christmas.

A few years ago, as couple that were known to give the best parties invited us for the Christmas shindig and they did a couple of things that were very cool. First, they had the classic black and white movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life” (with the volume down) running on their big screen TV in one room and “A Christmas Carol” (again, volume down) running on another TV. This was an immediate conversation starter because everyone has a story associated with either these stories or Christmases that they have had in the past.

The other thing they did was tie their party to a kid’s charity. Every guest was asked to bring an unwrapped gift for a specific age range of kids and all of these gifts were taken to the charity for kids that would have otherwise not had a great Christmas. Having all of these toys sitting under the tree was a very cool effect for the party.

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Save the date/ Invitation
Invite guests in advance. There’ll be lots of parties around this time, the Christmas engagement calendar fills up fast and you want to get your party on the roster. Send the ‘save the date’ well in advance so your party takes priority.

Africans by nature do not RSVP, so if everyone hasn’t responded a week from the date, contact them with a quick message. Make sure you prepare a few extras as people tend to bring friends along sometimes and if you’d rather they didn’t, please indicate it in the invitation in the best possible polite way. For sit-down formal dinners, having an accurate head count is necessary to be sure there is enough seating for everyone.

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Catering:
Decide what kind of meal and the style of service, is it buffet? Sit down meal? Whatever you decide you have to plan for it in advance. Your budget will determine whether to cook or cater. Feel free to hire a catering company or get a friend or family member if you feel you need help with the cooking. Some people work till the last days of the holidays and may not have time to shop or cook, or let’s face it; you may not necessarily be able to cook everything on your menu, so get real!

If you chose to do the cooking yourself make sure you plan your menu in advance so when your guests arrive, everything is set. Keep the menu simple and opt for a buffet presentation instead of table service, allowing guests to “help” you this way.

To make your life simpler and make your guests comfortable, prepare a table with a beautiful tray with glasses, napkins and the drinks you’ll be serving. Serve your guests’ first glass to welcome them and let them know they can help themselves at any time.

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Fun

More often than not, Christmas parties are just “meet and greet” events with very little fun. Think about the birthday parties you went to as a kid. Would any mom or dad in their right mind throw a birthday party without planning some fun stuff to do? Of course not. OK, here are three ideas to get your holiday party started.

#1 Hire a Santa with a BIG personality. Encourage your guests to sit on his knee and tell him (a) if they’ve been naughty or nice (have him insist that they tell him why), (b) what they want for Christmas this year and why. Be sure that there is a microphone nearby so that everyone can hear everything that’s being said and set up a video camera on a tripod to tape every encounter. Then post the best of these videos on your Facebook page for all your friends to remember the party. Not surprisingly, the comments are often outrageous and always hysterical and they get better as the hour gets later!

#2 Have a contest for the ugliest Christmas sweater, tie or other apparel and be sure to include reference to the contest on the invitation. This will ensure that you will have plenty of contestants because everyone has a tasteless, but FESTIVE sweater, tie or shirt. This will also provide some great Facebook postings after the party.

#3 Give every guest their own stocking stuffed with party favors as they are leaving the party. You can find inexpensive Christmas stockings at any party store and the goodies can be anything from fruit, candy, little toys, pocketknives for the guys and diaries for the girls.

Holiday parties can be a blast and with digital cameras, the fun can keep going for days on your social networks. Let us know if you used any of these ideas and how your guests responded.

Ice breakers
Introduce your guests when they arrive, especially if you feel they don’t know each other “Shade meet Ngozi, you remember when you said you needed someone to bake your daughter’s cake? She bakes delicious cakes!” That usually helps to break the ice and encourages your shy guests to mingle.

Finally, get yourself ready a good hour before your guests are set to arrive. The last thing you want after so much preparation is to look stressed out when welcoming your friends and colleagues in.

Make sure you check your restroom and include a small candle or flower arrangement in there. Place a small basket with items that guest may need  – from personal care to over-the-counter pain relievers.

A Christmas party is a nice way to relax with family and friends you don’t see much of during the year. Everyone has a chance to show off their best holiday clothes and share good laughs.

Have fun, take lots of pictures, and enjoy the party!

Want to Boost Your Style? Learn These!

It can never hurt to boost your style game up!

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There’s a certain kind of woman who appears effortlessly styled wherever she goes. She always looks as if she stepped straight out of a magazine. We’ve come to know this woman as a fashionista-the type who just gets outfit proportions, layering tricks, and how to pull off the trend of the moment. Sure, her styling prowess may have many pndering…how does she always make it seem so easy? Does she have a stylist?. She may have a stylist or she may be the brains behind it all and the fashion craze.

We’ve studied the styling habits of some really chic women and put together all the tips and tricks you need to know. Just scroll on for the styling secrets most fashionistas live by.

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Master the Basics First

Fashion girls aren’t above the basics; they just know how to rock them. T-shirts, skinny black pants, and a classic pump are all among stylish women’s must haves.

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2 Change Your Look With Layers

In a fashion girl’s closet, a sheath dress isn’t just a sheath dress, it might also be a jumper. They look to transform staples like a great LBD into a fabulous day dress by adding a collared shirt or pretty blouse underneath. Just start experimenting with your layers; you never know what combinations you’ll love.

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3   Dont be afraid to mix prints!

Whoever said you couldn’t wear stripes with polka dots had no idea just how cool they would look together. Fashion girls never play by rules like that, mixing up splashy prints with ease. If you’re new to the print game, look for patterns that have a similar color scheme to start, then work your way up to bolder, brighter combinations.

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4 Do the Half-Tuck

Tucking in your shirt has become something of an art form, and naturally fashion girls are really, really good at it. The half-tuck has been embraced by bloggers and street style darlings for its effortlessly chic feel, and getting the tuck just right is sort of like styling 101 for them. Just tuck the front in and let the tail hang out for the right effect.

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5 Roll Up Your Sleeves

There’s more than one way to wear a button-down. It might just be the easiest trick in the book, but rolling up your sleeves makes a big difference. It depends on the shirt and the look you’re going for, but rolled sleeves feel more lived-in and a little more purposefully styled.

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6 Knot It

Tees are meant to be twisted, rolled, and knotted — and stylish girls are adept at working them all the right ways. Knotting them at the waist is an essential styling trick that helps define your figure and can help you repurpose a dress as a skirt. Simply add a button-down or t-shirt over your dress and knot it at the waist to create the illusion of a top and skirt. How’s that for layering?

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7 Belt It
 For waist definition or an added outfit perk, girls like Olivia Palermo know the value of belting it. A skinny one like hers lends polish to finish an ensemble, while a wider leather belt can define curves and slim the body.
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8 Drape Your Jacket
Outerwear becomes infinitely more chic when it’s draped nonchalantly over the shoulders, rather than worn with the arms through the sleeves. It’s fashion, not function.
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9 Embrace New Trends

. . . just not all at once. You’ll never see a really chic girl going full-throttle into this season’s trends. Instead, fashion girls like Hanneli Mustaparta take on the season’s must-have pieces, like overalls or statement shades, and mix them with no-fail favorites, like ankle-strap heels and a great tee, to give it their own spin.

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10  Again, (Really) Change Your Look With Layers

It goes beyond dresses and jackets; fashion girls get creative with their layers. Try adding a tube top or crop top over a button-down or t-shirt, and watch the compliments roll in.

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11  Have a Uniform

Sure, fashion girls are bold and brave when it comes to trends, but they’re also pros at crafting their own personal style, and no one does it better than Emmanuelle Alt. Her pared-down, Parisian-chic aesthetic is her signature, and it gets her photographed as much as any blogger peacocking around the tents during Fashion Week. Sometimes, it’s not about knowing every trend, it’s just about knowing what works for you.

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12  Dress Up Your Boyfriend Jeans

While boyfriend jeans are cool, fashion girls know they’re even cooler when you juxtapose them with more sophisticated, dressed-up pieces, like heels and great jewels. It’s the fashion girl’s take on sexy, and it works every time.

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13  Add a Striped Shirt to Just About Anything

It’s a known fact in the fashion world that striped shirts go with everything. They’re perennially chic and easy to style, calling to mind great Parisian fashion icons every time you do. What’s more stylish than that?

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14  Add a fun accessory!
Your outfit is not complete until you have added a fabulous accessory whether it be a bracelet, a hat or a fly handbag accessories can make or break an outfit. Want some color in a monotone outfit? add some color with accessories!
There you have it 14 great tips to help boost your style sense and have you being the envy of every woman walking down the street!

4 Reasons Why The Holidays Are the Best Time to Grab A Guy!

Now that it’s getting chilly and holidays are around the corner cuffing season has commenced!

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The holidays are quickly coming to an end, so we wanted to clue you in on a little last-minute secret: the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year to snag a guy. Those words really should resonate (and not just because of the cheesy reference to that holiday song).

Now, you may be skeptical as to why the holidays are a prime time to snag a date just in time for New Years Eve. The science of it is simple: men are more vulnerable during the holidays. Here’s why:

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1. Let’s start with the obvious. Men experience mounting pressure from their families to bring a special someone home this time of year. This translates into a rush to find the perfect girl-next- door who can gracefully sit through Uncle Gene’s creeper attempts to hold mistletoe over her head.

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2. And, don’t forget holiday parties. Men’s coworkers are unbearable enough during the day. Spending 2 more hours with them over a rubber chicken is torturous. Nothing makes that experience more palatable than having a nice date with whom to pass the time at the open well-beverage bar.

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3. There are basic biological reasons, too. Guys get cold. That’s right, just like little bears (read: awwww!) they want to hibernate during the winter season and snuggle. On that note, the holidays remind guys of home. They grow sick of Subway coldcut trios and frozen pizzas and desire a home-cooked meal. So get your oven mitts ready (or have California Chicken Café on speed dial).

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4. Finally, we all know that nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. As NYE approaches, men and women alike want to lock in that kiss so they aren’t stuffing their faces with chex mix at midnight (side note: if you want a great party to attend, please let us know).

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Now that you have an understanding of why the holidays are the best time to snag a guy, get off the couch, start RSVP’ing to all the holiday parties you can, and pull that little red dress out of hiding.