Tag Archives: Marriage

Three’s Company Or A Crowd?

tony-gaskins-booking

Tony Gaskins is here to answer the question

Tony Gaskins is most popular for his great relationship advice and motivational speaking. His voice has really given women and men around the world great information to abide by when it comes to love. Well, Mr. Gaskins has decided to touch on a subject he is always asked about :Threesomes. Yes “Menage a trois” have been a trend in relationships recently and Tony had a lot to say to those asking if it is appropriate in a relationship. Take a look at what he wrote in his blog 

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He’s still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I’ve received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he’s been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I’ve even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y’all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn’t mind a threesome, he wouldn’t ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn’t raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I’ve known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn’t have a father in his life and his mother wasn’t much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You’d be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

  • You start something that you won’t be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
  • If you are asked to have a threesome, it’s not from a faithful man. You’ve been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn’t go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I’m a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I’d ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you’ve just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
  • Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn’t like thirst, it’s not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it.
  • Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it’s going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn’t the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life.
  • The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It’s just a fact.
  • You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I’m not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
  • It will never be the same.
What to do if you’ve already had a threesome? 
That’s up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don’t think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God’s help. He won’t be able to do it alone. He’s not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won’t be enough, a child won’t be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change.
If it were me, I’d ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple’s sessions. I’d get professional feedback. Then I’d weigh it all with my heart. I’d ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I’d watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I’d get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh.
That’s just me though. I’m monday-morning-quaterbacking so it’s easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday.

Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn’t a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life’s purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he’s unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn’t ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it’s been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it’s hard to be different. I know it’s hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it. I live it. I haven’t always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven’t had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn’t respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That’s why I go so hard on God’s team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I’m a sell-out now, you’re right. I sold out to God and that’s who I work for. It’s painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It’s painful not being able to play the “game” that I played on the highest level. It’s not easy but I do it because it’s worth it. I’ve experienced something new that I’m going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn’t pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn’t sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God’s way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn’t know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don’t even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn’t be happier and my relationship couldn’t be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn’t love herself. It doesn’t mean she’s nothing, it means she’s lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you’ll experience a peace and a favor that you can’t put into words. I’m living this. If you think I’m lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I’ll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It’s that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You’re more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn’t want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That’s how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you’ve never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for “love.” That’s not love. Love won’t ask you to live on your knees. Love won’t ask you to go against your true nature. Love won’t ask you to compromise your self-respect. That’s not love. You can’t be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I’m tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you’d like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That’s your story but that’s not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God’s help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

********************************************************************************************************************************

Young man sitting on a bed with two young women

There you have it, what are your thoughts on threesomes? Do you agree with Tony Gaskins?

Advertisements

4 Reasons Why The Holidays Are the Best Time to Grab A Guy!

Now that it’s getting chilly and holidays are around the corner cuffing season has commenced!

cos-01-couple-cuddling-in-house-lgn-mdn

The holidays are quickly coming to an end, so we wanted to clue you in on a little last-minute secret: the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year to snag a guy. Those words really should resonate (and not just because of the cheesy reference to that holiday song).

Now, you may be skeptical as to why the holidays are a prime time to snag a date just in time for New Years Eve. The science of it is simple: men are more vulnerable during the holidays. Here’s why:

black-couple-holiday-dinner

1. Let’s start with the obvious. Men experience mounting pressure from their families to bring a special someone home this time of year. This translates into a rush to find the perfect girl-next- door who can gracefully sit through Uncle Gene’s creeper attempts to hold mistletoe over her head.

888d5db934bebb1746ce9fd0f02bfd64

2. And, don’t forget holiday parties. Men’s coworkers are unbearable enough during the day. Spending 2 more hours with them over a rubber chicken is torturous. Nothing makes that experience more palatable than having a nice date with whom to pass the time at the open well-beverage bar.

slide-321

3. There are basic biological reasons, too. Guys get cold. That’s right, just like little bears (read: awwww!) they want to hibernate during the winter season and snuggle. On that note, the holidays remind guys of home. They grow sick of Subway coldcut trios and frozen pizzas and desire a home-cooked meal. So get your oven mitts ready (or have California Chicken Café on speed dial).

couple-new-years-eve

4. Finally, we all know that nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. As NYE approaches, men and women alike want to lock in that kiss so they aren’t stuffing their faces with chex mix at midnight (side note: if you want a great party to attend, please let us know).

???????????????????????????????????????????????????

Now that you have an understanding of why the holidays are the best time to snag a guy, get off the couch, start RSVP’ing to all the holiday parties you can, and pull that little red dress out of hiding.

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Supertrailer

Finally the Drama Begins

real-housewives-of-atlanta-season-7-cast

 

Looks like RHOA fans have a lot of shennanigans to look forward to as Bravo premieres the Atlanta franchises 7th season. Kenya is still playing “messy boots” and a new player , Claudia Jordan is introduced to the game. Ms. Porsha Williams has also been demoted as a “friend” and is no longer a housewife although she will make frequent appearances throughout the season. Porsha claims she was blind sighted by the change and released a statement saying:

“This is not an easy time for me right now, but I want let everyone to know that I loved being a ‘Housewife’ on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and I am thankful for Bravo for the opportunity but it’s not goodbye, you will see me on the show throughout the season sharing and bonding with the other women and I promise to stay connected with my fans as I start an exciting new time in my life.

After a long season of filming, and giving my all, I was blindsided by the announcement from the network that I was demoted from ‘Housewife Status,’ but would remain on the show in a ‘Friend’ capacity.

Unfortunately, I can only be PORSHA, and portraying anything else, would not be genuine nor honest. This moment is bittersweet, but God has been so amazing to me, and I think this is a perfect time for me to spread my wings, and finally focus on all of my upcoming projects.

In addition to having my recurring role on RHOA, I will be able to focus my attention on my career as an Entertainment Correspondent on DISH NATION on the Fox Network, recording my album, building my businesses, and taking baby steps towards nurturing my relationship with my new love!!!

This is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and I will be giving my fans & supporters another chance to watch my growth as I take on the world in my own special way very soon!! I am so Thankful for all that #TEAMPORSHA does to keep me INSPIRED every day! Stay Tuned…”

porsha-williams

 

It’s going to be a roller coaster ride watching the changing relationships between cast mates especially Phaedra and Apollo. The show will be premiering on November 9th later on this year. Watch the exciting trailer above.

 

 

Entertainment Appeal: Actress & Activist Ruby Dee Dies At Age 91

Legendary actress Ruby Dee passed away yesterday at her New York home. The actress most famed for her performance in Raisin in the Sun (1961) and multiple film works with her late husband Ossie Davis was 91 years old. She began her career in 1946 with her first onscreen performance in That Man Of Mine. Since her appearance in that fil Ruby Dee continued her career with performances on Broadway, The Spike Lee film Do The Right Thing (1989), Jungle Fever (1961), The Jackie Robinson Story (1950), American Gangster (2007), Betty & Coretta (2013), and Black Girl (1972).

Raisin In The Sun

Do The Right Thing

 

Ruby Dee married Ossie Davis (a famed actor poet and playwright) in 1948 and stayed married until his death in 2005. Ruby and Ossie met in 1946 while working on the Broadway play Jeb. The couple continued to work together in film and as humanitarians and social activists. The couple was once arrested in 1999 as they protested the police shooting of Amadou Diallo ( a 23-year-old unarmed immigrant from Guinea,who was shot at 41 times and killed by four New York City Police Department officers). Ruby Dee has been nominated for eight Emmy Awards and an Academy Award. She won an Emmy for her performance in Decoration Day and was the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement Freedom Award presented by the National Civil Rights Museum along with her husband.

Ruby Dee was a pillar of class, grace, elegance and sophistication. Her acts of service and art will live far beyond her life. She is survived by three children: Nora, Hasna and Guy, and seven grandchildren.

Ruby Dee

images (4)

 

images (3)

images (2)

Gone Are The days

Ossie and Ruby are finally reunited