Tag Archives: Romance

Three’s Company Or A Crowd?

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Tony Gaskins is here to answer the question

Tony Gaskins is most popular for his great relationship advice and motivational speaking. His voice has really given women and men around the world great information to abide by when it comes to love. Well, Mr. Gaskins has decided to touch on a subject he is always asked about :Threesomes. Yes “Menage a trois” have been a trend in relationships recently and Tony had a lot to say to those asking if it is appropriate in a relationship. Take a look at what he wrote in his blog 

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He’s still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I’ve received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he’s been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I’ve even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y’all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn’t mind a threesome, he wouldn’t ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn’t raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I’ve known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn’t have a father in his life and his mother wasn’t much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You’d be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

  • You start something that you won’t be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
  • If you are asked to have a threesome, it’s not from a faithful man. You’ve been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn’t go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I’m a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I’d ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you’ve just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
  • Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn’t like thirst, it’s not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it.
  • Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it’s going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn’t the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life.
  • The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It’s just a fact.
  • You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I’m not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
  • It will never be the same.
What to do if you’ve already had a threesome? 
That’s up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don’t think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God’s help. He won’t be able to do it alone. He’s not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won’t be enough, a child won’t be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change.
If it were me, I’d ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple’s sessions. I’d get professional feedback. Then I’d weigh it all with my heart. I’d ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I’d watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I’d get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh.
That’s just me though. I’m monday-morning-quaterbacking so it’s easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday.

Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn’t a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life’s purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he’s unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn’t ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it’s been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it’s hard to be different. I know it’s hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it. I live it. I haven’t always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven’t had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn’t respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That’s why I go so hard on God’s team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I’m a sell-out now, you’re right. I sold out to God and that’s who I work for. It’s painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It’s painful not being able to play the “game” that I played on the highest level. It’s not easy but I do it because it’s worth it. I’ve experienced something new that I’m going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn’t pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn’t sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God’s way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn’t know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don’t even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn’t be happier and my relationship couldn’t be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn’t love herself. It doesn’t mean she’s nothing, it means she’s lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you’ll experience a peace and a favor that you can’t put into words. I’m living this. If you think I’m lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I’ll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It’s that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You’re more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn’t want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That’s how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you’ve never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for “love.” That’s not love. Love won’t ask you to live on your knees. Love won’t ask you to go against your true nature. Love won’t ask you to compromise your self-respect. That’s not love. You can’t be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I’m tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you’d like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That’s your story but that’s not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God’s help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

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There you have it, what are your thoughts on threesomes? Do you agree with Tony Gaskins?

Beat Of The Week: Pretty Ricky “Puddles”

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Guess who’s baaaaaaaacccckk!!

The ORIGINAL ” Pretty Pretty Pretty Ricky Rickaay”  or Pretty Ricky as the world knows them to be have finally returned with an absolute smash. It’s been about 10 years since we first heard “Grind On Me” and about 7 years since we were all jamming to the “Late Night Special”.The group out of Miami Florida had a lot of success back in 2005-2008, until the group’s lead vocalist “Pleasure P” went the solo route.The group did replace the singer, but the sound was not the same and sales confirmed it. Now the group had joined forces again ad brought us their new single “Puddles” from their upcoming album. This song has been on repeat for two days straight, they have not lost their touch and we cant wait for the video! Take a listen below!

Great DIY Valentine’s Gift Ideas!

Gifts from the heart matter the most!

So there is just one more day until the big Valentine’s day holiday! Now many people say the holiday is totally for women, but there is no reason to leave your better half out. Your lover will appreciate a gift from your heart and what better gifts are from the heart than a do-it-yourself.In this video, there are 5 really amazing ideas that are easy to make, affordable and get the message across to your sweetheart.

Introducing Tribe Appeal Book Club!! February-” The Secret”

Drumroll please…

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Tribe Appeal is so excited to announce our book club for the many “book worms” near and far! Every 2 Months a new book will be announced . The book will be announced 3 weeks prior to the 1st discussion in order to give everyone time to purchase or borrow the book.  Discussions will take place via twitter, you may find Tribe Appeal at the handle @TribeAppeal and discussions will take place under the hashtag #TribeAppealBookClub!

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February’s book is a very special one, it is a book that has definitely changed my life and I hope it does the same for others. February is the month of love and I felt it was necessary I found a book exploring love.There are so  many people people looking and searching for love, but they are not in love with their own lives. Then there are those who do love their lives, but just haven’t encountered love and we cant forget those who are in love and just want clarity in their lives. Well February Tribe Appeal Book Club brings you “The Secret” By Rhonda Byrne! This book explores the “Law of Attraction” and teaches you how to apply it in your life. Many people don’t realize their thoughts and their words affect their lives in a very big way! Well become in tune with the law of attraction and live the life you have always dreamed of!

bookclubCan’t wait to begin reading this book with everyone and help everyone on their life journey! Live the life you’ve always wanted and LOVE every moment of it!

Great Habits to Begin Your Morning With!

Your morning sets the tone for the rest of your day

There are some people who wake up and have the brightest smiles on their faces and others who wake up with a solid frown. That frown normally leads into a crappy day and has the person asking everyone but themselves why they can’t catch a break.

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Well abide by these 11 morning rituals every morning and you are sure to have a wonderful day filled with positive experiences.

1. Drink a Glass of Warm Lemon Water

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Drinking a glass of warm water with lemon first thing in the morning is an excellent way to get your body going. It’s like oil for the Tinman as it goes to work lubricating all of your different internal systems.

You want the water to be warm so that it’s not a shock to your system first thing in the morning. The lemon will help get your digestive system ready for the coming meals, and makes the water tastier. You can add a bit of honey to it as well if you want to cut down on some of the tartness.

The Rehydration Process

When you wake up in the morning you’ve just gone without water for about 8 hours, so it’s important to turn things around and start up the flow of water again. What you don’t want to do is leave out the water and go along with your day, having breakfast and other beverages before addressing your need for water.

2. Wake Up Earlier

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If you’ve turned into a night owl because of the peace and quiet it affords, you’ll be equally satisfied by the same peace and quiet an early morning provides, and it’s simply a matter of shifting your personal time to the wee hours of the morning rather than late at night. The difference to your body is noticeable.

The Ideal Time to Wake Up

Wake up in conjunction with circadian rhythms if possible. Civil twilight is a great time to wake up because there will be enough light to see, the birds are chirping, and you still have time to catch the sunrise if you’re keen. Since this time varies by the time of year, it may be more feasible during some seasons than others. Give yourself an hour and a half before you have to be out the door.

3. Scrape Your Tongue

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Taking time to scrape your tongue is one morning routine you won’t want to give up once you start it. It helps get rid of morning breath, and also is in line with the rejuvenation process you need to do to make the transition from sleep to wakefulness each day.

As a bonus you’ll be able to taste your food better without the film that’s on your tongue even after brushing your teeth.

The Right Scraper

Some toothbrushes come with a built-in scraper on the back of the head. If yours doesn’t have one you’ll want to invest in one. You can find some that are literally just a plastic triangle-shaped scraper, and others that feature special bristles that are designed to get into the grooves of your tongue. You can also go with the type that is stainless steel and U-shaped to get the job done.

4. Do a Stretching Routine

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Here’s a great 5 minute stretch that you can do in the morning to wake your muscles up and get them ready for the day ahead. You should always modify any workout to your own abilities, and search until you find one that resonates with you.

You can also use this time to do a yoga routine, or an exercise routine, if you feel so inclined or are trying to lose weight. However, if you currently aren’t exercising regularly we recommend starting off with just some morning stretches until that becomes a habit, and then transitioning into yoga and other exercises when you organically start to feel like you could do more than just stretch.

How Long Do I Have to Stretch?

When first starting out it doesn’t matter how long you stretch, just as long as you do it. If you only have a few minutes for it, just do a few minutes. You’ll find that as you develop the habit, you’ll end up stretching for longer periods of time, and it will naturally expand on its own without the need to force yourself to do it for a set time.

5. Rebound 100 Times

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Rebounding on a mini-trampoline is the perfect morning exercise. It’s zero impact, and perfect for any physical fitness level. You don’t even have to get any air on it for it to be effective. Just lightly bouncing on it is effective for stimulating lymph movement and drainage as well as helping your thyroid.

You can repeat this process a few times per day, whenever you feel like you need a pick-me-up. It helps keep you energized without the use of energy drinks or other sugary or caffeinated beverages.

Firms Up Your Whole Body

You’ll notice that when you first start bouncing you’re kind of going with the flow, but by the time you hit your 100th bounce your body has tightened up considerably, in a good way. This is working each muscle in your body, your leg muscles, core, and upper body. A great way to start the day, get your juices flowing, and just plain feel good!

6. Dry Brush Your Body

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Dry brushing the body is an Ayurvedic practice that helps improve your circulation and slough off dead skin cells.

Brushing towards your heart is essential, and you’ll want to start at your extremities and work your way in, covering all of your parts before hopping in the shower.

Dry brushing will help leave your skin feeling smoother, and you’ll notice the difference after you’ve dried off. Apply a moisturizer afterward to retain that suppleness.

Which Brush to Use?

Choose a brush that is good at exfoliating, but not one that is so rough you don’t look forward to using it. A dry loofah or other brush designed to scrub the skin works best. You don’t want it to be too soft on your skin or it won’t do the job, but if you opt for a softer brush you can apply more pressure so that it works.

7. Listen to Uplifting Music or Audiobook
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Starting your morning with music you find beautiful, or a book you find inspirational or motivational, is the perfect way to set yourself up for success. It can give you something to look forward to in the morning, and sets you up with the right mindset to greet the day.

You can adjust your music for the type of day you want to have, whether you need something that gets you pumped for an action-packed day, or something more soothing so you can handle a stressful day.

The mind is hungry for new tidbits of information it can go to work on, and you should feed it every day, the same way you feed your body.

Choosing the Right Audio

Whether you pick a group of songs, or an audiobook that inspires you, is up to you. Choose your songs carefully though, as they can get stuck in your head, and if this sort of thing drives you crazy you might be better off listening to a book.

8. Green Smoothie Time

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Now that we’ve woken up with the sun, brushed our teeth and scraped our tongue, rehydrated, stretched, rebounded, dry brushed the skin, showered while listening to pleasing music, it’s time to nourish the body with a refreshing green smoothie.

The green part of the smoothie is what’s really going to help boost your energy levels this morning. That’s because it will likely be spinach, kale, or some other leafy green providing phytonutrients, fiber, and minerals. Set a timer for 30 minutes after you drink it and notice how much better you feel.

Finding A Great Green Smoothie Recipe

Check out our list of amazing healthy smoothie recipes and pick the one that sounds most appealing to your morning palate. Just about any non-green smoothie can be made green with the addition of spinach or kale.

9. Meditate for a Few Minutes

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Right now you should be in a really happy place, a green smoothie coursing through your digestive system, and all of the helpful things you’ve done should all be having a cumulative effect. There’s no better time to sit and clear your mind for a few minutes.

There’s also no right way to meditate, so if you’ve tried specific methods and didn’t really like it, it’s time to develop your own personal style. Choose a position that you find comfortable, and decide if you’d like music or not. Just sitting and listening to the silence can be enough for most.

Why Just a Few Minutes?

You don’t need to go into a trance or spend an hour in the lotus position to meditate. You can get the benefits from just a few minutes and you’ll see a marked improvement in the upward trend your days start to take. We’re being intentionally vague here because “a few” can mean whatever it means to you, and however you feel in the moment (or what the clock allows in the morning).

10. Smile at Yourself in the Mirror for 30 Seconds

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This is a can’t-miss way to boost your self esteem, and once you get into the habit you’ll wonder how you ever got along without it. It’s basically just a matter of designating some time as true “me time” and seeing a happy you reflected back in the mirror.

This works on a number of different levels, but at the core is the ability it gives you to talk right to the bigger part of yourself, the part that is running in the background and getting the important things done.

Make sure you’re smiling, it doesn’t have to be a big goofy grin, just the hint of a smile works, like you’ve got some tricks up your sleeve and you’re ready to show the world what you can do. You’ll be surprised at the positive thoughts this exercise inspires.

Morning Validation

What you’re doing here is basically checking in with yourself, giving yourself that look of determination that you’ll need to make it through the day and accomplish all of your goals. No matter what happens the rest of the day, you’ve at least said hello to that deeper part of yourself and given words of encouragement.

11. Write Out Your Top 3 for the Day

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If you lead a busy life chances are things fall through the cracks on a daily basis. To help stop this from happening you should list the three things you really want to get done today, and above all else, make sure they get done.

Once you establish the habit of getting the most important three things of the day done, you’ll be able to build up confidence and go for bigger and bigger things. A funny thing also happens, all of the smaller stuff that you thought needed to get done either does get done without being on your list of three, or fades away because it wasn’t that important to begin with.

Just 3, No More No Less

If you start getting carried away and adding more than three, you’ll find you won’t get to the fourth and fifth and so on, and then you’ll get discouraged. Force yourself to come up with three good ones, even if your day is largely unstructured. You’ll feel better at the end of the day knowing you at least got 3 important things done.

This is priority one because in order to fit in a fantastic morning you’re going to need some extra time compared to your current routine.

high-fashion-1Now go out and have a great day!!

7 Ways To Tell If He Really Loves You!

If you’re unsure about that certain guy this will help you figure it out

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1. He Treats You Well
A guy who loves you is considerate of your feelings, needs and desires. He makes them as important as his desires and needs. He is concerned with your well-being and will do things to make your life better, sometimes going out of his way to do so. Not only does he treat you well, he is also good to your family and friends.

2. He Is Generous With His Time
He doesn’t let too much time go by without seeing you. When he is available, he wants to be with you and chooses to spend his time with you. If you’re in a long distance relationship, he is spending time with you whenever your schedules allow. And you are together during major holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Eve.

3. He Makes You A Priority
You are at the forefront of his mind and he maintains contact in between the times you see each other. He considers you when making decisions and is considerate about doing things you want to do. When speaking, he uses “we” instead of “I”, and includes you in his future plans.

4. He Cares For You
A guy who loves you is genuinely happy for you when good things happen to you. He is compassionate when you’re going through challenges. This guy is there for you in the good and not so good times. He thinks about you and surprises you with tokens of affection outside of your birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. He will also challenge you by calling you out on stuff to help you become a better person.

5. He Wants People To Know About You
He is affectionate with you in public by holding your hand, putting his arm around you and/or hugging you. He is proud to be with you and has introduced you to his family and friends. He brings you to family functions and get-togethers with friends, and takes you to company events.

6. He Treats Your Relationship With Integrity
He is trustworthy and loyal to you and your relationship. He is upfront with you about his past girlfriends and skeletons in his closet. He does what he says and will let you know if he’s not able to. When issues come up, he is willing to work through them. Although he isn’t perfect, he tries to be a better man.

7. He Wants The Best For You
A guy who loves you encourages you to do things you love, even if it means doing these things without him. He wants you to spend time with family and friends. He encourages you to find and live your passions, knowing that if you are happy and engaged with life, you’ll be happy and engaged in your relationship with him.

Place less weight on his words and more weight on his behaviors and actions. A man’s behaviors and actions are more revealing and show if he loves you or not. It’s easier for a man to say, “I love you” because that’s what you want to hear. The true test of whether he loves you is if he exhibits the signs described earlier. When a man loves you, you won’t need to hear the words because you will just know.

Throwback Thursday: Naeto C ” 5 & 6″

Me and you joint like we’re 5 and 6

The couples anthem of 2011  makes a comeback as we celebrate “Throwback Thursday” #TBT. This song brings back memories of the Summer of 2011 and the video brings great visuals to match. Naeto C has since created great hits after the release of this song, but we must admit we will never get tired of “5 & 6”.