Three’s Company Or A Crowd?

Tony Gaskins is here to answer the question

Tony Gaskins is most popular for his great relationship advice and motivational speaking. His voice has really given women and men around the world great information to abide by when it comes to love. Well, Mr. Gaskins has decided to touch on a subject he is always asked about :Threesomes. Yes “Menage a trois” have been a trend in relationships recently and Tony had a lot to say to those asking if it is appropriate in a relationship. Take a look at what he wrote in his blog 

Should You Give Your Man A Threesome?

A man who wants a threesome is trying to fulfill a void from his childhood. He thinks that sexual pleasure is connected to manhood. He’s still hurting from mommy-wounds, daddy-wounds, and being overlooked in many ways as a child. He is searching for himself. He is being raised in a fatherless society by celebrities who glorify a sexually immoral lifestyle. Point blank, PERIOD!

I’ve received a lot of questions from women asking if they should give their man a threesome because he’s been asking for one. Some women have already given their man a threesome. I’ve even heard tell of a foursome. On that foursome, y’all are doing the absolute most and you need to sit down before you get sat down.

Let me tell you this. A man who really loves and respects himself, and also loves and respects you, will never ask you to have a threesome. Even if in his wildest imagination he wouldn’t mind a threesome, he wouldn’t ask you. A man only asks a woman for a threesome if he sees her as a piece of meat, a play toy, an accessory not a necessity. That man does not respect women because he wasn’t raised to or taught to. He most likely was overlooked by the women he admired at one point in his life. Something about him made him very insecure. I’ve known men who have threesomes and in each of them there is always a void or deep rooted insecurities. It could be something as simple as he was shorter or taller than everyone else all his life and it made him feel ostracized or alienated. It could be because he didn’t have a father in his life and his mother wasn’t much of an influence because she was so focused on herself. It could be that he was seen as unattractive all his life until he became successful or grew into his face. It could be he was bullied for being a pretty-boy, light-skinned, from a wealthy family, etc. Or it simply could be because his idols glorify the lifestyle. A lot of men are being raised by rappers who are either lost, confused, or lying to themselves and the world. You’d be surprised at how past pain and insecurities cause humans to act out.

What happens when you give into a threesome?

• You start something that you won’t be able to finish. Once you stoop to that level and give away that self-respect, you will never get it back. If you change your mind and want to have a normal relationship, that will most likely be the end of the relationship.
• If you are asked to have a threesome, it’s not from a faithful man. You’ve been getting cheated on the entire time. A man doesn’t go from 100% faithful and focused on you to having a threesome. I know because after I’m a faithful man and even when cheating was on my mind, hell would have to freeze over before I’d ask my wife for a threesome. So a man asking for a threesome is out there wild and reckless, but you’ve just had your head buried in the sand because you were desperate for love.
• Once you allow a man to fulfill that lust, that desire will grow. Lust isn’t like thirst, it’s not quenched when you give into it. Lust grows and gets stronger every time you give into it. To control lust you have to starve it, not feed it.
• Your man will want so many more women that one day he will be over you and move on with the next best thing. Even if it takes 10 years to happen, it’s going to happen. A man who gives into that type of perversion isn’t the type of man to be satisfied with one woman for the rest of his life.
• The other women you bring into your bed will catch feelings for your man and he will catch feelings for them. They will also have one on one sex behind your back. It’s just a fact.
• You ruin your chance of having a happy, healthy, wholesome family and marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. Sex with another person outside of your marriage is a sin. I’m not just speaking against God, but against your body. It creates soul-ties that become nearly unbreakable. Those acts began to eat your relationship alive from the inside-out.
• It will never be the same.

What to do if you’ve already had a threesome? 

That’s up to you and your heart. Being a man, I don’t think you can change that man. He has to want to change and he has to want God’s help. He won’t be able to do it alone. He’s not strong enough. He has to have a reason to change. You won’t be enough, a child won’t be enough. It will have to be something that happens to him. The feeling of unhappiness and emptiness will have to overtake him and push him to change.

If it were me, I’d ask for a change of lifestyle from him. Then I would sign up for therapy as individuals and also do couple’s sessions. I’d get professional feedback. Then I’d weigh it all with my heart. I’d ask myself if I really believe that things can be repaired. Then I’d watch my partner closely to see if I can see any changes. If after all that I still feel unhappy, incomplete, lonely, lost, and confused. I’d get my life, leave the relationship, learn lessons from my mistakes, accept the consequences of my choices, and start over fresh.

That’s just me though. I’m monday-morning-quaterbacking so it’s easier said than done. It is a solid plan of action though. It does help and it does work. I help clients do it everyday.

Let me tell you about your man: 
Your man isn’t a man yet. He is a grown-boy. He is still hurting. He is still lost. He is trying to fill a void that has no bottom. It will never be filled by having random sex with randoms and inviting plagues into your bedroom. Your man needs a life coach, a therapist, and a counselor. He also needs a Holy Bible, a true life’s purpose, and a mission in life. Success, money, fame, notoriety, etc is not enough for him. He can have all of those things but still have no purpose.
You have to stand your ground. You have to pull back. You have to let him go so he can grow. If he truly loves you, he will change. If he’s unwilling to change, he never really loved you and he isn’t ready to change for you or for himself.

Let me talk to your man! (Show him this):
My man. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re unfulfilled. I know you had a rough childhood. I know others have made this lifestyle look cool. I know it’s been said that this is what being a man is about. I know it’s hard to be different. I know it’s hard to be disciplined. I know it doesn’t seem to make sense that you should be with one woman for the rest of your life. I’m here to tell you that it’s worth it. I live it. I haven’t always been the man that I am today. You think you had women? You haven’t had women. When I was broke, busted, and disgusted I still had women. I had more women than I could count. Any woman I ever really wanted, I had. I had women and I gave women away. I had so many women I had women on lay-away and rent-to-own plans with other men. Every guy who knew me came to me if they wanted a woman to sleep with for a night. I didn’t respect women or understand women. I was hurt. I was confused. I was lost. I was a grown boy. That’s why I go so hard on God’s team to help restore the hearts of women today because I used to persecute the hearts and minds of women daily. I’m a sell-out now, you’re right. I sold out to God and that’s who I work for. It’s painful giving away the game everyday and denying my flesh. It’s painful not being able to play the “game” that I played on the highest level. It’s not easy but I do it because it’s worth it. I’ve experienced something new that I’m going to tell you about.

It all changed at about the age of 25. I now realize that a woman is the greatest gift to this Earth. You couldn’t pay me to cheat on my wife now. I wouldn’t sleep with Beyonce for a million dollars even if she was single and ready. I mean that with everything in me. Why? Because I tried it God’s way. I became 100% faithful to my wife in mind, body, and spirit and my life changed in ways I didn’t know was possible. I experienced side effects like happiness, peace, success, joy, content, favor from God that passes understanding, and so much more. I will NEVER go back to the man that I once was. I don’t even cheat with myself, if you know what I mean. I save every ounce of sexual energy for my wife. As a result, I couldn’t be happier and my relationship couldn’t be better.

Know this, your woman loves you with all her heart. Any woman who will give you a threesome loves you. She loves you even though she doesn’t love herself. It doesn’t mean she’s nothing, it means she’s lost and searching for someone to love her just like you are. The problem is that neither of you know what love is. Give real love a try. Be faithful to your woman. Give yourself to her. Marry her and love her the way God intended for her to be loved. I promise your life will change for the better. I promise you’ll experience a peace and a favor that you can’t put into words. I’m living this. If you think I’m lying, try to set me up and then let the jezebel report back to you about how bad I hurt her feelings. Four or five years ago I would have fell for it easily, but now I know for a fact I’ll never go back to that way of living. I have to say that confidently and believe it because if I leave any room for doubt, the enemy will move in for the kill.

Man-up!! It’s that time!! Be different. Stop trying to fit-in and stand-out! The world needs you. Your kids need you.

Young lady, let me talk to you:
You are worthy. You are a child of God. You are His prize creation. He gave you influence which is one of the greatest gifts you can have. You are the backbone of the world. Without you, there is no world. Without you, we cease to exist. You run the world because you have to receive the seed and turn it into a child who can change the world. The world evolves around you. You have all power on Earth. If the adversary wants to take down any man in the world, he has to go through you. You’re more addicting than any drug. Your power is right beneath the power of God and you were made in His image.

Now from this day forward, never forget what I just told you about yourself. Never forget your worth, your power, your influence. Use it sparingly. Use it wisely.

If you ever meet a man who doesn’t want to give you His world, keep moving. God created you to share the world with your man. He gave man dominion over the world, but He gave you influence over that man. That’s how your ancestors have either destroyed men or made them great. How you use your influence is your choice. Know your worth. If you’ve never been told, now you know. Go forward boldly. Go in confidence. Go in peace. Love yourself and know that you deserve love. Never settle. Never give away your influence for “love.” That’s not love. Love won’t ask you to live on your knees. Love won’t ask you to go against your true nature. Love won’t ask you to compromise your self-respect. That’s not love. You can’t be so desperate for love from someone else that you sacrifice the love for yourself.

Ok, I’m tired of typing. God bless you both!!

Tony G.

*Catch me on the Real Love Tour coming to a city near you

*If you have a general question you’d like me to address please email advice@tonygaskins.com with the subject: Blog Question

*I understand there are exceptions to every rule. If you had a threesome and now your relationship happy, healthy, and whole, God bless you. That’s your story but that’s not the case for the other 99%. I know because I coach couples from 6 different continents and your case is not the norm.

*Please seek professional help. I am a professional life coach, but I am not a therapist. I can support you and help push you into greatness and purpose but you need more than me. You need God’s help too!

*To the men and women who I have stepped on your toes, I meant to. When they heal you will walk a lot better.

********************************************************************************************************************************

There you have it, what are your thoughts on threesomes? Do you agree with Tony Gaskins?

10 Packing Tips To Use While Travelling!

Spring break is right around the corner

I’m sure you’ve got a trip coming up or a planned trip on the way. We know you have all your fun party, beach/pool day and day outfits planned out already. Now as exciting as that may be, one thing that isn’t exciting is packing all your stuff into that petite luggage you purchased. Well we’ve got some great tips here to help make the job of packing easier than you ever thought it could be. These hacks are things every girl should know and we’re happy to spread the word.

1) Keep the dirty soles of your shoes away from your clothes by sticking them inside a shower cap.

2) Stuff socks and products that won’t burst inside your shoes if you’re low on packing space.

3) Fold your underwear instead of just wadding it up and stuffing it in your bag, which can take up a lot of space.

4) Protect your delicates from the rest of the items in your bag by tucking them inside the little cloth bag that comes with a new pair of shoes or a new handbag.

5) Instead of packing big, bulky makeup bottles for a quick weekend trip, pour a little bit of the product into a clean contact case for easy travel.

6) Protect powder makeup products from breaking while traveling by sticking a cotton pad or cotton ball inside the compact before putting it in your makeup bag.

7) To maximize the space in your luggage, roll your clothes instead of folding them. You’ll be surprised by how much more you can fit this way.

8) Help your bras maintain their shape while also saving space by stacking your bras on top of each other, folding them in half, and tucking your underwear inside. Stuffing your underwear inside your bras will prevent the cups from folding inward and help extend the life of your bras beyond your trip.

9) Protect breakables such as glass fragrance bottles by slipping them into socks before packing them.

10) Use pill case compartments or an old lip balm container to organize and keep track of your smaller jewelry, like rings and earrings.

Look Fabulous In Your Faux “Locs”

The beauty of “locs” without the commitment!

Many naturalistas and hair gurus alike know it is so hard to maintain your hair in its natural state all of the time. That is where “protective styles” come in. These haistyles are meant to protect your natural hair from heat and chemical damage by covering it. There are so many women who love the beauty of “locs”, but dont have the patience to grow their hair out or commit to locking their hair for years and cutting it all off to try something new. Thats where faux “locs” come in, yes you can enjoy the beauty of “locs” without the commitment. This hairstyle has been a big trend since last year and now the Zendaya-Guiliana Rancic controversy has brought a great amount of attention to the gorgeous hairstyle. Take a look at the tutorial below to learn how to get these amazing locs or visit your nearest African braiding shop.

There you have it! A great hairstyle with a very easy process!

Beat of The Week: Mavins “Looku Looku”

Don Jazzy is at it again!

The wonderful Mavins crew out of Nigeria has given us a fun song to rock out to for ages. “Looku Looku” is a great jam describing all of the nay sayers and haters in our life that we just need to learn to shake off. The song says to have no cares about haters and jealousy and continue to strive. The jam of bosses!  The fun video is set in a huge block party during the day and night and features many stylish outfits. The men are rocking casual street wear with stunning jewelry pieces while Di’ja and Tiwa rock urban contemporary pieces. The video is a great along with the positive message of the record. Enjoy!

Splurge or Purge? Sophia Webster Evangeline Sandal

Sophia Webster made her debut in the fashion world with her own design house in 2013. Since then her quirky designs have been flooding runways and sidewalks all over the world. The designer’s latest collection features a rose gold and white heel with cherub/angel wings located at the back . The shoe retails at Begdorf Goodman for $560.00.

So the question is splurge or purge?

Beat Of The Week: Pretty Ricky “Puddles”

Guess who’s baaaaaaaacccckk!!

The ORIGINAL ” Pretty Pretty Pretty Ricky Rickaay”  or Pretty Ricky as the world knows them to be have finally returned with an absolute smash. It’s been about 10 years since we first heard “Grind On Me” and about 7 years since we were all jamming to the “Late Night Special”.The group out of Miami Florida had a lot of success back in 2005-2008, until the group’s lead vocalist “Pleasure P” went the solo route.The group did replace the singer, but the sound was not the same and sales confirmed it. Now the group had joined forces again ad brought us their new single “Puddles” from their upcoming album. This song has been on repeat for two days straight, they have not lost their touch and we cant wait for the video! Take a listen below!

How To: Make An Ankara Skirt And/Or Dress

Express your own style with a custom made skirt or dress

One thing about being a lover of African fashion is depending on what’s hot in RTW (ready to wear) it is very hard to find a clothing piece made of African fabric. We can not go to any store and easily pick up a gown made of Ankara or Kente cloth. So to a tailor and/or fashion designer we go, but this method can be very costly and sometimes the quality of the clothing isn’t what you expected. They say when you want something done right, you should do it yourself. Well Tribe Appeal has gathered some information from Fashioncadet.com and BritxBrat2Fashion to guide you into creating your own custom African fashion piece! Grab those materials and get to work!

Materials:

1) A piece of fabric of your choice

2) Your choice of skirt for pattern

3) A zipper

4) Sewing pins

5) Scissors

6) Chalk/pencil

7)Sewing machine or thread & needle

Directions:

1. Place the fabric on a table or flat surface.
2. Fold the fabric in half
3. Place the skirt on top of the folded fabric to get the skirt pattern
4. Mark the pattern using a piece of chalk or pencil
5. Cut out the fabric according to the pattern and start sewing
6. Pin the zipper to the back of the skirt (If you want the zipper to show, place it on the outside of the skirt)

Now if you would like to make a dress, you may apply the same technique used above and also watch the video below.

Beat of The Week: G-Rize Feat Chris DeShield “LIB Ladies”

For my LIB girls dem! #LiberianGirlsRock

Rising Liberian artist G-Rize has brought us another hit along with smooth crooner Chris DeShield called “LIB Ladies”. The video not only brings light to Liberia’s amazing talent, but our great fashion. The two super stars rock outfits with a hint of African print, while the lovely models dazzle viewers with custom made ankara and kente print pieces. Everything is on point in this video from the fashion, to the vocals and locations. This is a great song to rock with your fellow LIB or African sisters period! We can’t wait to see more from both great artists!

Let’s live by this! #AfricanProverb

Nne and Ike Show Present “An African Valentine”

Hahaha very funny!

The dymnamic duo Nne and Ike have done it again with this Valentine day parody! The perfect mixture of hilarious scenarios, terrible acting (on purpose) and wit only most Africans would understand makes this clip one to have you ROTFL. Take a look at this belly buster above!